Letting Go—The Four A’s

How often do you find yourself ruminating about the past, or even thinking about small mistakes you made?  Do you sometimes feel like you are stuck in your job, relationship, or living with a bad habit you want to part with but aren’t sure how?

You’ve come to the right place, partner.  We’ve been there.  We are still there at times.  And if you say you haven’t been there, you are lucky (or fooling yourself). Letting go is hard.  It can be painful, scary, messy, annoying, or just plain tragic.  As with all change, thinking about letting go and actually doing it are very different animals.  The thinking part can lead you to good places, as long as you actually DO something to let go.  Where it can become downright dysfunctional is when you spend much of your time ruminating, and none of your time planning. 

Letting go is part of life. We do it all the time. From the moment we are born, we begin to let go of bottles, blankets, teddy bears, parents, kids, careers, relationships, etc. Organizations let go of outdated business practices. We know how to do this; yet why is it so damn hard sometimes?

We recently left our jobs after many years.  The months leading up to this decision were agonizing.  We loved where we worked and who we worked with, yet months of organizational distress (and lack of control) when you are trying to lead an organization, led to too much of our own distress.  There was no going back to the magic that once was; it was time to let go.

We decided when it was done. We stopped waiting for closure or for someone else to decide; it may never have come.  If you are thinking about moving on from something, chances are you really should be moving on.  Yes, there are lots of things to consider, like impacts to family, finances, and so on.  Write it all down.  Then, make a plan to move on to whatever is next.    

 How do you decide when to let go and where to start?  Engage the 4 A’s:

1. Ask

What is currently happening in my life that isn’t serving me well?  Do I like the person I am right now?  Are there people or things in my life that are weighing me down?  This takes some guts to dig in and be honest with yourself. 

2. Acknowledge

Your feelings.  Letting go of people, things, habits, etc. is hard.  Oftentimes we struggle most with letting go of things that are totally out of our control; things that happened in the past, people who have done us wrong, other people’s behavior, and the list goes on.  Take note of the things within your control and let go of everything else.  Explore what it means to let go of whatever it is you decided needs to go. Are you afraid of the unknown? Comfortable with the way things are?  Identifying the feelings associated with letting go is a critical step to actually making it happen.  

3. Announce

Say it loud, say it proud!  Tell yourself, tell your friends, tell your family and the dog.  Putting it in the universe is another step towards letting go, and engaging your supporters.  And, be sure to write it down.  Post a note on the bathroom mirror, on the console in your car; wherever it is visible to you.  Thank whatever it is for being a part of your life and serving you in whatever capacity it has; but let it know you are releasing it.  

4. Act

Also known as THE hardest part of change.  The moment you make the decision, you MUST make a small step towards letting go.  Want a new job?  Freshen up that resume or commit to searching once a week for jobs.  Need to let go of your nightly night cap habit?  Start with every other night.  Are you a leader of an organization afraid to let go of in-person meetings, yet acknowledge it is time to make a change?  Start with a little vulnerability by telling your employees what your worries are; then, commit to making one of your in-person meetings virtual. With the current pandemic, many employers are being forced into this type of change, and moving on from what was to what can be with respect to rethinking teamwork and collaboration.   

We know what you’re thinking...we have heard all of this or some version of it before, and still here we are, in the same position we have been for (insert days, months, years).  We get it.  But, what’s the risk in working through the 4 A’s?  If you try and end up back where you were, try and try again.  We did, and we couldn’t be more happy. 

A final pep talk.  Be present and accept where you are with fierce gratitude.  Stop analyzing your mistakes or wallowing in your past (this includes complaining to anyone who will listen about your current situation...trust us, they are ready for you to let go, too).  

As always, Core Endeavors is here to partner with you and help you along your change journey.  After all, we can all use a little help from our friends!

Be Well.

Amy & Holly