Self-Care or Self-Comfort?
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Self-care is not selfish–it’s a necessity and it can take a lot of courage to identify, prioritize and maintain your own wellbeing, particularly during midlife or menopause. We are each responsible for our own care and feeding and ensuring we get what we need is critical for our overall health.
Things may get tricky where self-care bleeds into self-comfort as they can look and feel similar in the moment. However, when you look a bit ahead to “future you”, self-care provides ongoing support while self-comfort often ends up like self-sabotage, derailing your actual desires or goals in the long run.
Think about making or ordering a special meal that comforts your tastebuds or evokes fond memories that soothe your stressed out mind. Even if that meal isn’t particularly healthy, if it’s served in a careful portion size, or modified slightly to swap in some healthier ingredients, it can support your need for comfort without being overly indulgent. That same meal, without portion control, made with all of the decadent ingredients, or on frequent repeat, can spur unhealthy habits and patterns, leave you feeling uncomfortable in your body, cause unwanted weight gain, or spur disappointment with yourself.
Consider the binge-watch, a simultaneously wonderful distraction and slippery slope to Zombieland (don’t I know it!). When you are feeling down, tired, achey, or stressed, a few episodes of a favorite or anticipated series can be fuel for the soul, allowing you to reset your mental outlook and overall energy. But when those 2-3 episodes turn into 2-3 seasons in one continued viewing, self-comfort has won as it sucks hours of your life into the visual void leaving you feeling depleted instead of rested or restored. Streaming series have a way of playing into your current desires that can quickly become negative long-term patterns.
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So, what can you do to help ensure self-care? Start with:
Being clear on your intentions (your needs and purpose)
Setting boundaries (with yourself and others)
Distracting yourself in the moment (set a new intention, habit or routine)
Initially substituting another option that is easier to manage (start small to limit overindulgence)
You can also reflect on your own patterns and tendencies in similar situations from the past to understand how you were feeling, what you wanted to change, and what worked to provide self-care without stepping into subconscious, sabotaging self-comfort.
And, “shit happens"... There will be instances when indulgence wins and self-comfort takes over. You are only so strong or resilient–everyone has limits. When you find that you’re reaching yours, recognize it for what it is and give yourself some grace–the infrequent slip toward comfort is not the end of the world. Consider it an invitation to assess, regroup and make a plan to try a different approach the next time, one that might keep critical care in the forefront and repel consuming comfort when it comes to call.
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Women experiencing midlife changes and menopausal symptoms can have a lot to manage within themselves–not to mention what you’re navigating in the outside world. Each day can feel like an entirely new adventure in understanding and supporting yourself and your needs. It can seem like something is a helpful choice in the moment, only to cause greater or ongoing challenges down the road. The more you can keep focused on “future you” while also meeting the needs of “current you”, the happier and healthier you will be.
Lean into self-care, prioritizing it as a regular part of your supportive routines and habits. Beware of self-comfort’s infiltrating fingers, which can soothe and caress in the moment but ultimately hold you back from achieving long-term health and wellbeing. And above all, be kind to yourself along the way.
