Heal from the Inside Out
We have written on many topics, including several on reflection, dreaming, planning and goal setting. Within these blogs are tools, tips, tricks, resources, etc. You may find a helpful blog here to help you with reflecting back and dreaming ahead. Something important we have not specifically addressed is how to go about changing from the inside out. Changing often requires a great deal of self reflection. Self reflection requires a great deal of honesty.
Honesty…
You have probably heard something like, “if you can’t be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?” When you stop to really think about this, how often do you sit quietly with yourself to ask the questions that uncover honest answers? Many are so often busy distracting ourselves and/or avoiding the very act of sitting quietly to notice how we feel, let alone dig to uncover the truths of what we feel. Getting to the root is the only way to heal from the inside out.
Why and (equally as important) what we need to heal is deeply personal to each of us. If you have a desire to change, then it is critical to change on the inside first. The reason? How we think and feel shapes our behaviors/actions and become our realities. If we automatically think the worst of ourselves, we feel shame and may behave in a way that hurts other people, or continues to hurt ourselves through unhealthy habits. Simply saying we want to change without doing the internal work will result in a cycle of dysfunction that continually informs us that there is no point in trying. Not sure where to begin changing and healing inside? We got you.
How To:
Take inventory with a self-care assessment that includes key areas in your life such as physical, emotional, social, spiritual and professional aspects. Each of these areas can help you identify your overall satisfaction and target where to begin digging.
Examine the Iceberg by digging under the surface. After you have completed the self-care assessment and decided what area to focus on, ask yourself what is missing in the area? For example, if you have identified in the emotional area that you struggle to express your feelings, ask yourself why? When you have the answer, ask yourself why again…do this until you have fully unveiled the reason(s). All too often, we scratch the surface and move on, only to find we continue repeating the very same behaviors in which we shame ourselves (of note: hurt, shame and guilt are often at the source of our iceberg). Identifying the root is the beginning of the healing and change process.
Set your intentions for healing. This may look like:
Daily journalling to process through the root cause. This often involves writing about your beliefs and where they originated; it is possible the feeling is rooted deeply from a significant life experience or pattern of experiences that caused you to develop a skewed sense of self. This sense of self developed an unhelpful narrative that causes sustained negative patterns of behaving in ways that are not serving you. In the example of not expressing your feelings, it could be rooted from someone telling you your feelings didn’t matter. In turn, you perpetuate this narrative and keep your feelings inside, only to explode with rage or other unproductive behaviors after you have mentally and physically exhausted yourself on the inside. The inside stuff eventually has to make its way out.
Visualization exercises may help you see yourself behaving in the way you desire. Behavior change is more than snapping a finger. It takes a lot of courage and work to reframe and shift your thoughts from what is usual. Visualizing fresh and healthy habits is a way to manifest the reality that you can change.
Practice, practice, and more practice! Setting your intentions for change is important. Layering the mindfulness and the repetition will make all the difference. We learned a pattern of thinking/feelings/behaving that takes time to unlearn. Practice creates new neural pathways and makes sustained change possible.
Along with these ideas, incorporating affirmations may be quite helpful. These may include statement like, “I am on a journey to healing and it takes time and practice,” or “my past doesn’t reflect my future.” Posting them around your house where you frequent like a front door or a bathroom mirror can be good reminders to maintain your focus with kindness and compassion towards yourself. True healing requires this.
We have many tools and resources on this subject, and are happy to share them. Contact us anytime!
Be well,
Holly & Amy
