Messy Mind

When I was a young girl, I was obsessed with my bed sheets. I was unable to get comfortable until every crinkle and wrinkle was smoothed out. Some nights, I would get in and out of bed several times, the feelings of frustration and desperation growing inside of me with each hop out of bed. I had no idea that what I was experiencing at the time was intense feelings of anxiety that manifested through obsessive and compulsive behaviors; if I could just keep my sheets smooth I would somehow feel more in control. I grew out of that particular behavior, but noticed my anxiety showed itself in similar ways throughout my life, and it still does. The difference is that I am aware of when it is happening and have learned ways to productively cope with these intense feelings.

Mental health was not talked about much, if at all, in the 80’s or 90’s, and even well into the the 2000’s. The Baby Boomers who raised Gen X’ers were generally following suit in terms of what they had been taught about dealing with negative feelings, such as crying or worrying being seen as a sign of weakness, and one should “suck it up” or “be strong.” This is my observation of the times, and there is no judgment in this statement. I’d like to think we have come a long way in terms of acknowledging that mental health matters, and those who struggle in this area are not weak minded or simply unmotivated. Minds can be messy, and similar to my crinkled bedsheets example, can lead us to think and behave irrationally at times.

Anxiety and depression are the most common mental health disorders. 60% of people experiencing one will experience the other, as they often work together to create a mental mess with several overlapping symptoms, such as rumination, agitation, insomnia/hypersomnia, perfectionism and procrastination. As these behaviors play out at home and work, the affected person may be good at masking the symptoms at times, but during periods of increased pressure or stress, may be challenging to be around and may be labeled as “difficult” at work, or may even fall behind in their duties.

Organizational leaders who truly understand the need to care for their employees also means caring about their mental health. They take time to ensure their managers are educated and equipped to identify signs of mental illness. There may still be an uneasy line in terms of addressing mental health in the workplace, but acknowledging the reality that a significant portion of their workforce is dealing with one or more mental health issues is enough for many to ramp up their organizational mental health resources.

The prequel to ensuring we have a well workforce is raising our kids in a way that promotes psychological safety. We have an important opportunity right now to change how we talk about mental health, and it starts with acknowledgement and normalization. Ask the questions, and listen for the answers. The last thing many kids want is to feel different; they need to understand our minds can be messy and irrational at times, leading us to act in ways that even we don’t always understand. Say that to them. Then help them identify ways to manage these unwanted behaviors so they are armed with resources that last throughout their personal and professional lives.

And, mental health therapy is as normal as going to the doctor when you break a bone.

Be well.

A few helpful resources:

Urge Surfing for managing unwanted behaviors.

SOBER to encourage mindfulness.

Cognitive Distortions to better understand how irrational thoughts influence our behaviors.